DO YOU EVER GET THAT WEIRD ITCHING SENSATION IN THE BACK OF YOUR THROAT AND YOUR EARS AND THERE’S NO WAY TO GET RID OF IT AND YOU WONDER WHAT YOU DID TO DESERVE SUCH A TERRIBLE FATE
whenever i use only one exclamation point i feel like a middle-aged dad who just discovered the internet!
So I ask myself, how the fuck did I get here?
How am I sitting here at this desk, feeling so damn shitty about everything? How is it that the smallest things cause me to crumble into a million pieces? Why am I so fundamentally fucked up? Am I not built of the kind of stuff that makes a person strong, independent, intelligent? Why do I place so much fucking importance on people, things, and conversations that just don’t fucking matter? Why am I so helpless and lost and devoid of goals? Why do I only want to drown my anxiety in bad habits?
I want to be a firmer person. I want to be made of steel and wrought iron. I want to bend but never break. I don’t want to be soft and malleable, like custard on a hot day. I don’t want to break so easily.
So please, teach my how to feel like I am doing something right.
I WISH I WAS CUTE I WISH I WAS A CUTE NICE PERSON WHO WAS SWEET TO EVERYONE ALL THE TIME AND GAVE GOOD ADVICE AND HUGGED EVERYONE AND WAS ALWAYS FRIENDLY AND CARING AND USED KAWAII EMOTICONS BUt alas i am onyly an eel,